Thursday, February 13, 2014

[Listening to: Loneliness by Death note]

This blog is a simple blog.
It is here to only please me and make me feel like I'm trying to do something.

Literature or writing, this is the only true place to be me.
To talk freely about who I am and how I feel.
The internet and words.

I hate her.
because she left me with a special feeling.
In reality.. I don't actually her.. I'm in love with her.
She irks me.
She has this stupid cute smile.
She has those puppy dog eyes that only the owner understands..
She left me with the feeling of havin' fallen in love with someone I can't have.

She gave me hope.
Gave me feelings that for years I tried to understand and feel..
She gave me a lot.
She taught me to give someone a chance.
She gave me the need for someone like her.

I'm very in love with her.
I hate feeling as if it's a one way street.
Damn, does it suck..
We said.. Her and myself, well we said some very terrible things that meant we were done every sense.
but.. I can't get her out of my mind.
I watched a movie called "The Awkward Moment."
Zac Efron said, " I know what her couch looks like. I can imagine a guy sitting there with her. I can imagine every guy of every sort there with her. Every guy, but me." It was something similar, but.. I understand.. I might not know where her couch looks since she's moved, but.. I know what her arms feel like, I know what her love feels like and I know there is someone who is enjoying them....

This feeling.. It hurts.. I wrote this somewhere else, but it hurts not because she's caused me pain or has hurt me emotionally because of this or that. I hurt because The hole she filled is empty again. I didn't have it for years and years, as long as I could remember, but when she filled it.. I grew to feel alive.. I grew to love. I grew as a person. a human. something I had never felt before until that day. and... then.. one day, it was gone.. and that emptiness.. that hollow feeling. The feel of not being loved by her.. just begin to eat and eat and eat.

I'm in love with her.
I want to say something to her.
I did a while back, she said not to talk to her, but.. I don't understand.
I don't know.
Just things didn't work out.
I wish they did. And it's one of my common thoughts.
Sometime has passed since I first began writing. I thought it was better that I take a break before I say everything. And I believe it was a good thing I did.

I love her. And I miss her.
I miss my friend and the person she was.. but.. all I should think about is to fix myself before I lose myself completely...

Right now, the feeling I feel is as if life is just going by and I'm no one in it.
"Life is living on without me."
I need to get to doing something. I need to figure out a plan before it's too late.

I love you, Juliet.

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