Rainy Strobe

I have so much to say, but nothing to type out.
I have a lot to express; yet, no one to have understand.
I just want to hug You and remind us that we'll be okay.
It's mostly for me. Though reminding isn't bad either.

You look beautiful still.

So smiley and bright. A happy that makes me happy too.

A nose so small and eyes so wide.

Skin so smooth.

and a booty so fine.

--

It's so strange though.

I've been wanting to type and type, to tell the world how I feel. Just as of late. It's been nowhere near as potent as what I hoped..

I really do want to talk, I want to help and get help in figuring out life.

I have a relationship of some sort.
She's nice.
She's sweet.
She's "quirky."
She loves to give me attention.
She loves to give me anything.
Do anything.
Everything.

but. I don't understand.. Why am I unhappy?

She's okay. There's nothing wrong with her, I could easily do better, if you want to even say that. I could even share a story about how life let a 9/10 get away. As I was told, the girl below wasn't even as pretty as the one I talked to according to the people I went out with that day.. though this is as close of an example as I'm going to bother looking for.   
I just don't understand.
If I'm talking to a 6.5/10 and she's so sweet and caring. Then why aren't I happy? We talk, hang out and do casual things like "normal people are supposed to.." then why is it that I feel unhappy. I feel bad when I try to develop intensity with her. I just want it as if it were a game of cat and mouse. It makes me.. feel.. interested. challenged. ambition to desire you more. It.. I want it to feel Euphoric like before. The past made me a junkie for that level of passion 24/7 anywhere and everywhere.
I want to play again with you.

The 9/10 I talked to was close to ideal standards.
Oh, she was so pretty. as my friend, brother, his girlfriend and what not, all agreed she was out of my league and should've shot me down, but when I talked to her, she giggled and flirted back. She had lovely black hair, a gorgeous smile, eyes so deep, it made my heart skip a beat. But even with that, fate just wasn't there that night. As interesting as that day was, I still wasn't happy. Though I probably should've persued her and stuck with her. I would've at least made had beautiful babies. amirite?

I don't want that.. not just that..
I really just wanted to talk a bit.. it took me a while to even begin typing because I just want to be alone with someone and bond.. it makes me feel safe and it makes me feel empowered..

I want what I had.
I want the games we played.
The passion/intensity every moment I got close.

It gave me thrill.
It made me feel alive.

==

I wish I could explain everything, to the best of my ability, but as we both are. You and I, we are too stubborn to look past our own ideas.

Lets hang out.
I'll drive and we'll go out somewhere alone again.